A month after I started dialysis my doctor asked me when we were going to start exploring the possibility of a kidney transplant. I took the decision to delay that conversation for two months while I became accustomed to dialysis. Esssentially, I wanted time to settle into the new routine.
The problem with routines is that they become hard to break. Because there is a level of comfort in simply doing the same things week after week after week. That’s why, even though my husband and I wanted to visit Durban to see my family, and spoke about the possibility often, somehow we never got around to doing anything about it.
Until last week. We finally got to visit my family and had a wonderful time catching up with them.
While settling into my airline seat on the flight up to Durban, I found myself reflecting on what was familiar about the experience of travel and what was unfamiliar.
I’ve been fortunate to travel fairly extensively in my life, so much of the experience felt familiar to me;. My process of packing, travelling to the airport and checking in for our flight, grabbing a quick breakfast and cup of tea before boarding the aircraft, and ensuring my guide dog was settled comfortably at my feet before take-off. It felt like it all happened from muscle-memory.
And yet, I was aware that there was a definite sense of strangeness, a slight feeling of anxiety present underlying the comfort. As tends to happen with me, I spent some time picking those feelings apart to understand where they were coming from. And here’s what I discovered.
While travelling with a guide dog is familiar to me, travelling with Guide Dog Normandy was not. It was only my second flight with Normandy, and my first without the presence of a guide dog trainer to offer support. I didn’t know how Normandy was going to react, whether he would adapt to the cramped environment on the aircraft, the noise on the pressurized aircraft, and the busy airports on both sides of the trip.
I shouldn’t have worried, Normandy was a star throughout. He navigated the airports like a professional, and though I know he wasn’t as comfortable as he could have been squeezed into the small space available on the airplane, he coped with it all like he’d done it many times before.
Another source of anxiety came from it being my first time away from home since starting dialysis. Logically, I knew that my treatment shouldn’t affect the trip in any way. We arranged to leave on Saturday morning after my Friday evening treatment, and returned home on Monday afternoon in time for my next session. So, while I didn’t have to face the uncertainty of going to an unfamiliar treatment centre, I was a little anxious that a delayed flight might cause complications for me. Ultimately, the flights went off well and we experienced no delays, so everything worked out well.
The other concern that I felt whilst sitting in the plane was around diet. At home I’m able to control the food I eat and ensure I adhere to the food recommendations I’ve been given by my renal dietician. When I’m away from home I have less control over what I eat and the way the food is prepared. So that was a little concerning for me.
In the end, my cousin, with whom we were staying, was happy to work with me to maintain my dietary preferences and, though I allowed myself a minor holiday from my strict food allowances, I was able to eat as I do at home. So yet another of my concerns was unfounded.
Now, with the precision of hindsight, I realize that it was silly of me to have been worried about heading away from home on a short holiday. I mean, it’s not like we were going to a strange and unknown city. And yet, I’m knot going to beat myself up metaphorically because I experienced that heightened sense of anxiety. It kept me on my toes and constantly considering my best options throughout the trip. All while having the comfort of being with people who have known me most of my life, and who were looking out for me to ensure I had a great time. Which I most certainly did.
And now I also have the reassurance that travel isn’t such a big, scary thing for me to consider in the future, even while I’m still on dialysis. Which we still have no idea how long it will be for.
So, now that I’ve opened myself up to the idea of travel again, where do you think I should travel to next?
