Several of my friends and family have asked me how I’m feeling about the probability of needing dialysis in the foreseeable future. I wanted to share some of my thoughts and how they have impacted on the way I’m coping with this new phase of my life.
When the doctor started talking about dialysis, I admit I was scared. My initial fear was that the prognosis was, in fact, a death sentence and all that was uncertain was the length of time that was left to me.
Even after only a few weeks, I now know that these fears were groundless. My doctor was quick to reassure me that dialysis would not affect my life expectancy, and that most patients are able to live a full and productive life while on the treatments.
Most of my anxiety Was due to the things I did not know. The unknowns spun around in my head and would not keep silent. I am thankful that my diabetic specialist has been willing to answer all my questions, and those of my husband and this has brought us a huge amount of reassurance. As my knowledge grew, so my fear began to recede.
I can’t even begin to describe how much more positive I’ve become since discovering that the dialysis ought not to stop me doing the things I love. Yes, I will need to accommodate the treatments into my weekly schedule, but I’m so used to accommodating things that I need to that it has become a routine part of my life.
Of course, there are still many things that are unknown which cause me some anxiety. I can’t know the impact that dialysis will have on my body, my ability to work, my energy, or my health. I’ll only discover that when I eventually start the treatments. But I’m not going to worry about things that may never happen. I simply refuse to live that way.
One feeling I hadn’t anticipated is my awareness of gratitude. There is so much for which I am grateful, amongst them the outpouring of love and support I’ve received from the people in my life and in my community, not to mention that which I experience being reminded of how privileged I am in my situation. So many who face this journey lack the resources, financial stability, the medical knowledge that I’m able to tap into, and the overwhelming support I have. It humbles me on a daily basis when I consider my options going forward.
Talking about options, in my next article I’ll discuss the main options of treatment I’m considering, and my reasons for my thinking. As a reminder, at this stage nothing is set in stone and my choices may differ as I continue to learn more.
Ultimately, for now I’m taking life one day at a time and enjoying all that I have the freedom to do.
