I am still awaiting approval for my kidney transplant from the Department of Health, now somewhat impatiently. I know that barely a month has gone by since we sent in the application, but the time seems to be dragging as I sit and watch my inbox day after day.
Strangely, the time spent waiting has felt like one of the hardest things for me to deal with since starting this whole journey 15 months ago. Because I simply can’t stop my brain from imagining what life might be like after the surgery has taken place.
I find myself thinking longingly of the foods I’ll be able to eat more freely once again, picturing meals with avocado, tomato, cheese, potato, butternut and tropical fruits. Only to have to reign my mind in as I still have no accurate knowledge of the timeline.
I find myself dreaming of the time I will have at my disposal as I no longer have to rush to a dialysis session, and the amount of work I’ll finally be able to get to. Before I have to pull my mind away from those thoughts because I don’t yet have a date for the surgery.
I’ve even caught myself starting to ponder the next travel destinations I might like to visit once travel is again an option. Before firmly reminding myself not to get to far ahead of the realities of my situation.
So this is where I’m currently at. My days go by much as they have for the past 15 months. I go for dialysis three days a week and attempt to juggle real life in the spaces between the treatments. At the most basic level I know it is only a matter of time before we are given the news, and that there isn’t anything I can do to speed up the process.
But knowing that at a logical level doesn’t stop me bewailing the degree to which it feels like time
is dragging as I sit here with bated breath waiting for the all-important announcement to drop into my mailbox… …
That is maddeningly frustrating Lois! Why do you need permission, I don’t understand? Praying you get a positive response, and quickly!